Who am I?

I am someone probably just like you who hasn’t had it easy.  My childhood was wrought with neglect, dysfunction, and abuse,  exacerbated by moving several times. My emotional needs were not met. The lack of nurturing and lack of security bound me and my life in tremendous fear. Through repeated experiences of rejection, trauma, and betrayal, I was completely emotionally shut down and a wallflower by the age of 30.

That’s when God took me on a journey of relearning who He is and finding out who I am — my identity. It hasn’t been a very quick or easy process and each day is still an opportunity for growth, but I have found tremendous freedom and healing from self-doubt, self-pity, rejection, trauma, and fear.

Life as a Victim

During my teenage years, I longed for the day that I could finally get out of the house, get away from my family, and make my own decisions. So when I went off to college, I was so excited!!!  However, I quickly learned that even in a different place, I still felt horrible inside and it was devastating to realize that getting out of the house didn’t magically make things better.

I was ill-equipped for life. I had very little social skills or any conflict resolution skills. I was shy and scared to death of just about everything that I couldn’t control. I was so bound up in fear, and it controlled every decision that I made. I totally lived every minute as a victim.

In my 20’s, after God brought me to Nashville, my sister started calling me and unloading everything she was thinking through/processing during her therapy sessions. I didn’t want to think about any of it! However, now two states away from my family, I finally felt like I was separated enough that I could start dealing with what had happened to me in my childhood. I read some books, got some counseling, switching one unhealthy behavior for the complete opposite unhealthy behavior. I tried not going to church, then a different kind of church, then tried living more like the world (partying), I tried changing my personality (which didn’t work), and I just couldn’t find peace or a way out of despair in anything I tried.

Healing Begins

At age 30, I was at my lowest point, ready to end my life. I told God that He had one last chance. I told God that I would even be open to new things, but if He didn’t do something—I was done. Over approximately the next 5 years, He radically, completely transformed me. And by this I mean, He guided me to books (in the resource sections of this site) and counseling with a therapist (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and seminars and sermons and small group conversations that changed me (Restore Small Groups). He began showing me the root cause of my unhealthy behaviors and began changing the roots of what I believed about Him, about myself, and about my life. I learned to forgive and find freedom from fear, tormenting thoughts, and found my self-esteem in who God made me to be. A co-worker at the time, told me, “Linda, you are a completely different person from when you started working here.” Even my co-workers were seeing the complete transformation God was taking me through.

Now-a-days

Mine is an ongoing journey. I am still learning and growing. I am still putting into practice what I’ve learned. I still come up short many times in the areas of positivity, hope, and trust. So when I do, I have to go back to these principles I’ve learned. I have to remember truth. And truth trumps my experiences.

In recent years, God has been showing me that in my desire to be healthy and safe/secure, I tend to control my environment too much, living in too much of a self-protective environment/bubble. So I am working on learning how to take more risks and live a richer life—whether that means risking telling you my story or taking a risk at age 30 and learning how to swim.  I am working on taking risks in relationships, knowing that hurt is always possible, but I can handle hurt with God on my side.

I am owning my story—the good and the bad. It’s who I am. It’s made me the person I am today who is compassionate, sees other people’s points of view, has greater understanding, patience and grace for people, and is super passionate about helping others find their identity—find their uniqueness, their beauty, and their unique purpose in this world.

I’ve lived in Nashville since ’92. I occasionally co-lead Restore small groups, enjoy most things vintage and modern, love hikes at the lake and spending time with my 10 godkids. I enjoy parties and hanging with friends, and most of all, I like to make or remake things.